Post by LACEY DANIELLE TURPIS on Nov 25, 2010 22:55:05 GMT -6
Author's Note: This chapter isn't exactly done yet... but here's what i have so far. Based off of a thread, Breakdown.
Chapter 1 - Breakdown
Mickaela delicately stroked the florescent blonde hair of her seven year old little sister, Casey, as she lay curled up in front of the elder vampire sister on the cot in silence as the night circulated around the two. The day had dragged on long enough, until finally the sun fell and Casey stopped whimpering and crying for their mother. This was happening more often now, as the child was having memories, or flashbacks, or whatever, of their mother, and was missing her terribly. She missed their mother too, but she hated to show emotion, especially sadness, around her little sister. She couldn't let Casey know that both of them were weak - she had to be the stronger example for the kid, to act like she was the world's most heartless bitch who took a million hits and gave ten million back just as hard. But she couldn't anymore. She just couldn't. Mickaela felt a sharp pang in her chest, and grimaced, before silently and quickly getting off the cot without disturbing the sleeping Casey, grabbing her white boxy knit Cardigan, slipping on shoes, a shirt and shorts and darting out of the small little apartment as fast as she could.
Her breathing intensified, but she tried to keep herself as quiet as possible so the others wouldn't notice her leaving. No, she wasn't leaving for good. If she was, she would have grabbed Casey and at least told Ben before doing so. But no. It wasn't even likely that she would ever leave her coven permanently; she had grown far too attached to them for her own good. She just needed to be on her own for a couple of minutes... or hours. Depending on how long it took for her to let everything out. She'd been holding so much in for so long... it was starting to literally hurt. So, she put the apartment building to her back, and just kept walking. As she walked, her breathing stayed uneasy, and rigid, and she could see her breath in a slightly transparent mist in front of her. It must've been cold out; however, she barely noticed, she was far too set on getting away to acknowledge anything other than her current goal. Mickaela had no idea where the hell she was going, but walking seemed to help. A little.
She could feel the sharp pang beginning to grow stronger, so she quickened her pace. Finally, the pain got to her, and she collapsed onto the rough and cold surface of the ground. For awhile she just sat there, her body racking with sobs as extremely vivid memories of her mother, and the night her so-called-father murdered her. The image that was forever implanted within her mind. Walking in with Casey after going to the supermarket, to find that they were strangely closed, and coming back to their grandmother's home to find their grandmother, and the woman who gave birth to them both... dead on the living room floor in a large puddle of blood. The screams continuously echoed throughout her mind, and she couldn't take it anymore. She wanted the pain to stop. To compose herself. She had to stop this idioticy. Had to stop crying. Had to become the heartless bitch once more, and continue with the facade. Put her mask back on. For Casey.
Mickaela made a firm decision, and slowly was able to start to force her emotional breakdown to evaporate. Running her fingers through her hair, she tried to calm herself as her sobs finally quieted, and she sat unmoving where she was, her legs twisted oddly behind and underneath her. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps could be heard coming up behind her, and, alert, she whipped around and up to her feet, her handgun pointed directly at the person coming towards her. It was too dark out to see who it was exactly, but the silhouette of the person told her it was a male. If he's not in your coven... shoot until you run out of bullets. She told herself, slightly regretting ever going this far away from the apartment. Away from Casey. Her posture straightened, her lips pursed tightly and her eyes stiffened. "Who the hell are you? Speak up or i'll empty this goddamn gun here and now."
Mickaela stood firm, keeping the man at gunpoint, her finger on the trigger, ready to pull if he made any sudden movements. "Is that how you greet everyone or just me?" Immediately she slipped her finger away from the trigger, but still held the gun up, somehow unable to trust him even if she did recognize his voice. She eased up a bit when he stepped forward, and put a jacket around her shoulders, but still held the gun up loosely. Instinctively she was always on her guard. Even though she could see who it was plainly now. "It's just me,"
Mickaela nodded and let her arms drop when Ben grabbed the gun and pushed it down, then sighed and ran a hand through her hair once more. Of course, the only reason why she had relaxed as a) she trusted him and his voice, somehow, and b) the jacket he'd placed around her shoulders smelled like Ben. If that didn't sound too odd... whatever. "Sorry. Won't happen again." Or at least she would try not to let it happen again.
With her temper, there was no telling what she would and wouldn't do. Just last week she nearly tore up her entire apartment because a Nephilar had pissed her off about something, and Ben had told her to lock herself in her apartment until she'd cooled down, so, she did. But yeeeeah, no, pointing a gun at your coven leader a whole lot wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do, especially when it was Ben, who could, and probably would've by now because of her temper but for some reason hadn't, easily kill her.
"Don't worry about it," Mickaela's eyes fluttered momentarily as Ben lightly brushed her hair out of her eyes, his thumb leaving a tingle where it made contact with her cheek. She caught the worried look he gave her, and looked down at her feet. She knew that if she met his eyes now, she'd cave. And she couldn't let that happen. She felt another tingle beneath her chin as he lifted her head up again, forcing her to look him in the eye. "What's the matter?" Biting her lip, she glanced off to the side before looking back to him. After all the years that she'd been with the Markiv coven, she hadn't told anyone, not even Ben, about who had turned her, or about what she'd seen that night in her grandmother's living room. She didn't know why, it wasn't exactly a big deal, but she just didn't want to have to go over her past, and the shit with her dad and Casey... it was just way too much drama on top of everything else they were facing right now.
"I'm right next door you know. It's a shorter walk than coming out here." Mickaela managed a small smile, and smiled slightly. "I know... I just needed to be alone for a minute or two. Besides, I know you don't do too well with waterworks." She murmured, her voice breaking here and there as she tried to keep more tears back and talk at the same time - not an easy task, even if it sounded like one.
"It's freezing out here. Come on, we should get back inside," Mickaela shook her head stubbornly. "I'm fine." Just then, she got a funny prickle running down her spine, telling her that it wasn't just the two of them in this conversation anymore. "... One sec." Quickly, she grabbed her gun back from Ben, pointed it in the direction she felt the eyes watching them, and pulled the trigger. She missed, on purpose of course, in case it was someone from the coven, but in her emotionally wrecked state that she was in at that moment she was easily pissed off and had her guard up to the extreme.
If someone really was out there, and wasn't in her coven... well, that would mean that someone outside of the Markiv was in Markiv territory, and if they weren't Markiv, she would shoot again, and she wouldn't miss. Mickaela waited for a scream, or some sound that let her know that there actually was a person somewhere out there, and that she wasn't going fucking paranoid.
"Don't do anything rash" Unfortunately, she hadn't caught this before she'd fired the gunshot, and so grimaced apologetically as he yelped and stumbled backwards. She'd have to remember to restrain herself from grabbing her gun so quickly next time. "Fucking hell, what was that for?" Mickaela sighed and rolled her eyes. "Ben, you know just as well as I do, maybe more, if that's possible, that my temper is the hardest thing for me to control. Let alone when I'm an emotional wreck, and have a gun in hand."
She watched Ben as he pointed the gun ahead and searched, "Who's there?" then took a protective stand in front of Mickaela, of which she rolled her eyes at and stepped a little bit closer to Ben so she could see over his shoulder well enough. "Show yourself!" There was a bit of a silence, then a male voice called out to them. "Hey that bitch needs to change her fucking tampon" Mickaela let out a sharp, quite audible gasp. Oh no he didn't. Did he just...? "SON OF A MOTHER FUCKING--!" She fought back the urge to grab her gun again and shoot the bastard, but refrained from doing so, seeing as Ben was standing in front of her, and he was the last person she wanted to hurt. Or, second last, if you counted Casey. So instead she just grabbed Ben's arm, her grasp firm enough to hold herself back from grabbing her gun, yet gentle enough so she wasn't exactly hurting him. "Yo wait It's me Axel, don't shoot me I know I was an asshole, but come on man don't kill me" Axel?? Oh fuck no. Oh Mickaela remembered him, and he was an asshole.
She could spend hours, days even, listing in full detail every single time that Ben had had to step in to keep her from murdering him, from every time he'd tested her temper. She made a disgusted sound, clenched and unclenched her jaw, and turned her deep green eyes toward Ben. "Kill? Don't kill?" At that moment, her temper was on the very brink of exploding, but if Ben said not to kill the guy, then she wouldn't kill him. But that didn't mean she would do it cheerfully. Either way, whatever Ben said went. No matter how much she wanted to drop the gun and kill that Axel guy with her bare hands.
Mickaela was seriously on the edge. She glared at the woman as she bitched at Ben, and growled slightly. She knew this vampire was older than him, but that did not give her the right to act like that toward Ben. He was her coven leader, after all. If she didn't like having to put up with him then she could hit the road for all she cared. Hell she wouldn't mind at all if she went and joined one of the other covens. Then she wouldn't have to worry about controlling her temper as much and she honestly wouldn't give a damn if she died in the process. Yeah okay she knew she sounded like a heartless bitch, but that's how she felt at the moment. But then she walked away, and she was able to concentrate on keeping her temper level down to the point where she wouldn't kill anyone. Which, was a good thing, since Ben put his hand behind him to hold her back, signaling to her that it was a 'no' on the killing thing. Mickaela huffed, blowing her hair out of her eyes when it fell back where Ben had brushed it out of before, trying her hardest to stay calm and sort of failing to do so.
It was then that she swore she heard Casey whimpering and whining from the apartment, even though they were a bit of a ways away, and her deep green eyes fastened protectively in that direction. Was she wanting their mom again? Or, was she upset about something else? Either way, she knew she wouldn't be able to resist bolting back to the apartment just to check on her baby sister. And she also knew she shouldn't be out of Casey's sight for too long, otherwise there was disastrous results. Mickaela sighed and turned to Ben. "I need to go check on Case before her imagination takes over and she thinks robots and Godzilla kidnapped everyone including the unicorns and are holding them hostage in Candy Mountain. Again." She cringed slightly at the thought of the last time Casey had been left all alone in the apartment room.
By the time she'd returned from her hunt and "play time", as she called it, so as not to taint her seven year old sister with her hobby, which she oddly felt was too much for the child, with the humans, the entire apartment had been torn apart. She was a tad bit of a neat freak when it came to the apartment, and a few other things, so this didn't exactly help her sanity level, as she was the one that had to calm the child and put everything back the way it was supposed to be. “Want me to go with you?” Very much so did she want him to come with her. But she wasn't sure if she should say yes... because then, the distractions would be gone, and the subject of why she was crying earlier, was bound to come up again. She didn't know if she would be able to handle that, exactly, or if Ben would be able to handle the tears that she was positive would show once more.
So she said nothing. Mickaela inhaled deeply, glanced at Axel briefly, then looked back to Ben before walking off, heading back toward her apartment. She knew either way he would follow, and she knew there was no way of escaping the looming question that was coming once more, and she also knew that, even if she didn't tell him today, she would have to tell him someday. After all, she couldn't simply avoid Ben... it was basically a physical impossibility for her. “Hey, wait up.” Maybe someday had come sooner than she'd thought. Cringing inwardly, she slowed a bit, so that he could catch up. The tingle appeared once again as his hand brushed hers, and she risked a glance over at him. Here it comes... “Are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to guess?” Mickaela couldn't resist a slight laugh. “You can try to guess, but I promise you, it'll be impossible to get it right.”
She was mentally contemplating whether or not to tell Ben. She hadn't told him anything about her past, come to think of it. As far as he knew, she was non-existent until the day she was turned and a week or so later he found her. And she wasn't positive if she should change that, or not. I mean, sure, as her coven leader, he deserved to know, but it was something she was extremely sensitive about. Then again, Ben himself was something she was extremely sensitive about. She just didn't know if telling him about her father, and that he was still out there somewhere, was the best idea. But, it was worth a shot, right? Even if there was a slight, or major, chance that she would crumble again if she returned to that mindset of the past... which would be mortifying for the both of them, for sure. So, she decided that a little bit at a time might be the wisest choice. Baby steps... “It's nothing, really... just some shit from my... well from my human life.” Mickaela kept her eyes forward, and tugged his jacket closer to her. She wasn't cold, so much as in need of something to hold onto tightly. For all she knew, it was all downhill from there.
Mickaela delicately stroked the florescent blonde hair of her seven year old little sister, Casey, as she lay curled up in front of the elder vampire sister on the cot in silence as the night circulated around the two. The day had dragged on long enough, until finally the sun fell and Casey stopped whimpering and crying for their mother. This was happening more often now, as the child was having memories, or flashbacks, or whatever, of their mother, and was missing her terribly. She missed their mother too, but she hated to show emotion, especially sadness, around her little sister. She couldn't let Casey know that both of them were weak - she had to be the stronger example for the kid, to act like she was the world's most heartless bitch who took a million hits and gave ten million back just as hard. But she couldn't anymore. She just couldn't. Mickaela felt a sharp pang in her chest, and grimaced, before silently and quickly getting off the cot without disturbing the sleeping Casey, grabbing her white boxy knit Cardigan, slipping on shoes, a shirt and shorts and darting out of the small little apartment as fast as she could.
Her breathing intensified, but she tried to keep herself as quiet as possible so the others wouldn't notice her leaving. No, she wasn't leaving for good. If she was, she would have grabbed Casey and at least told Ben before doing so. But no. It wasn't even likely that she would ever leave her coven permanently; she had grown far too attached to them for her own good. She just needed to be on her own for a couple of minutes... or hours. Depending on how long it took for her to let everything out. She'd been holding so much in for so long... it was starting to literally hurt. So, she put the apartment building to her back, and just kept walking. As she walked, her breathing stayed uneasy, and rigid, and she could see her breath in a slightly transparent mist in front of her. It must've been cold out; however, she barely noticed, she was far too set on getting away to acknowledge anything other than her current goal. Mickaela had no idea where the hell she was going, but walking seemed to help. A little.
She could feel the sharp pang beginning to grow stronger, so she quickened her pace. Finally, the pain got to her, and she collapsed onto the rough and cold surface of the ground. For awhile she just sat there, her body racking with sobs as extremely vivid memories of her mother, and the night her so-called-father murdered her. The image that was forever implanted within her mind. Walking in with Casey after going to the supermarket, to find that they were strangely closed, and coming back to their grandmother's home to find their grandmother, and the woman who gave birth to them both... dead on the living room floor in a large puddle of blood. The screams continuously echoed throughout her mind, and she couldn't take it anymore. She wanted the pain to stop. To compose herself. She had to stop this idioticy. Had to stop crying. Had to become the heartless bitch once more, and continue with the facade. Put her mask back on. For Casey.
Mickaela made a firm decision, and slowly was able to start to force her emotional breakdown to evaporate. Running her fingers through her hair, she tried to calm herself as her sobs finally quieted, and she sat unmoving where she was, her legs twisted oddly behind and underneath her. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps could be heard coming up behind her, and, alert, she whipped around and up to her feet, her handgun pointed directly at the person coming towards her. It was too dark out to see who it was exactly, but the silhouette of the person told her it was a male. If he's not in your coven... shoot until you run out of bullets. She told herself, slightly regretting ever going this far away from the apartment. Away from Casey. Her posture straightened, her lips pursed tightly and her eyes stiffened. "Who the hell are you? Speak up or i'll empty this goddamn gun here and now."
Mickaela stood firm, keeping the man at gunpoint, her finger on the trigger, ready to pull if he made any sudden movements. "Is that how you greet everyone or just me?" Immediately she slipped her finger away from the trigger, but still held the gun up, somehow unable to trust him even if she did recognize his voice. She eased up a bit when he stepped forward, and put a jacket around her shoulders, but still held the gun up loosely. Instinctively she was always on her guard. Even though she could see who it was plainly now. "It's just me,"
Mickaela nodded and let her arms drop when Ben grabbed the gun and pushed it down, then sighed and ran a hand through her hair once more. Of course, the only reason why she had relaxed as a) she trusted him and his voice, somehow, and b) the jacket he'd placed around her shoulders smelled like Ben. If that didn't sound too odd... whatever. "Sorry. Won't happen again." Or at least she would try not to let it happen again.
With her temper, there was no telling what she would and wouldn't do. Just last week she nearly tore up her entire apartment because a Nephilar had pissed her off about something, and Ben had told her to lock herself in her apartment until she'd cooled down, so, she did. But yeeeeah, no, pointing a gun at your coven leader a whole lot wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do, especially when it was Ben, who could, and probably would've by now because of her temper but for some reason hadn't, easily kill her.
"Don't worry about it," Mickaela's eyes fluttered momentarily as Ben lightly brushed her hair out of her eyes, his thumb leaving a tingle where it made contact with her cheek. She caught the worried look he gave her, and looked down at her feet. She knew that if she met his eyes now, she'd cave. And she couldn't let that happen. She felt another tingle beneath her chin as he lifted her head up again, forcing her to look him in the eye. "What's the matter?" Biting her lip, she glanced off to the side before looking back to him. After all the years that she'd been with the Markiv coven, she hadn't told anyone, not even Ben, about who had turned her, or about what she'd seen that night in her grandmother's living room. She didn't know why, it wasn't exactly a big deal, but she just didn't want to have to go over her past, and the shit with her dad and Casey... it was just way too much drama on top of everything else they were facing right now.
"I'm right next door you know. It's a shorter walk than coming out here." Mickaela managed a small smile, and smiled slightly. "I know... I just needed to be alone for a minute or two. Besides, I know you don't do too well with waterworks." She murmured, her voice breaking here and there as she tried to keep more tears back and talk at the same time - not an easy task, even if it sounded like one.
"It's freezing out here. Come on, we should get back inside," Mickaela shook her head stubbornly. "I'm fine." Just then, she got a funny prickle running down her spine, telling her that it wasn't just the two of them in this conversation anymore. "... One sec." Quickly, she grabbed her gun back from Ben, pointed it in the direction she felt the eyes watching them, and pulled the trigger. She missed, on purpose of course, in case it was someone from the coven, but in her emotionally wrecked state that she was in at that moment she was easily pissed off and had her guard up to the extreme.
If someone really was out there, and wasn't in her coven... well, that would mean that someone outside of the Markiv was in Markiv territory, and if they weren't Markiv, she would shoot again, and she wouldn't miss. Mickaela waited for a scream, or some sound that let her know that there actually was a person somewhere out there, and that she wasn't going fucking paranoid.
"Don't do anything rash" Unfortunately, she hadn't caught this before she'd fired the gunshot, and so grimaced apologetically as he yelped and stumbled backwards. She'd have to remember to restrain herself from grabbing her gun so quickly next time. "Fucking hell, what was that for?" Mickaela sighed and rolled her eyes. "Ben, you know just as well as I do, maybe more, if that's possible, that my temper is the hardest thing for me to control. Let alone when I'm an emotional wreck, and have a gun in hand."
She watched Ben as he pointed the gun ahead and searched, "Who's there?" then took a protective stand in front of Mickaela, of which she rolled her eyes at and stepped a little bit closer to Ben so she could see over his shoulder well enough. "Show yourself!" There was a bit of a silence, then a male voice called out to them. "Hey that bitch needs to change her fucking tampon" Mickaela let out a sharp, quite audible gasp. Oh no he didn't. Did he just...? "SON OF A MOTHER FUCKING--!" She fought back the urge to grab her gun again and shoot the bastard, but refrained from doing so, seeing as Ben was standing in front of her, and he was the last person she wanted to hurt. Or, second last, if you counted Casey. So instead she just grabbed Ben's arm, her grasp firm enough to hold herself back from grabbing her gun, yet gentle enough so she wasn't exactly hurting him. "Yo wait It's me Axel, don't shoot me I know I was an asshole, but come on man don't kill me" Axel?? Oh fuck no. Oh Mickaela remembered him, and he was an asshole.
She could spend hours, days even, listing in full detail every single time that Ben had had to step in to keep her from murdering him, from every time he'd tested her temper. She made a disgusted sound, clenched and unclenched her jaw, and turned her deep green eyes toward Ben. "Kill? Don't kill?" At that moment, her temper was on the very brink of exploding, but if Ben said not to kill the guy, then she wouldn't kill him. But that didn't mean she would do it cheerfully. Either way, whatever Ben said went. No matter how much she wanted to drop the gun and kill that Axel guy with her bare hands.
Mickaela was seriously on the edge. She glared at the woman as she bitched at Ben, and growled slightly. She knew this vampire was older than him, but that did not give her the right to act like that toward Ben. He was her coven leader, after all. If she didn't like having to put up with him then she could hit the road for all she cared. Hell she wouldn't mind at all if she went and joined one of the other covens. Then she wouldn't have to worry about controlling her temper as much and she honestly wouldn't give a damn if she died in the process. Yeah okay she knew she sounded like a heartless bitch, but that's how she felt at the moment. But then she walked away, and she was able to concentrate on keeping her temper level down to the point where she wouldn't kill anyone. Which, was a good thing, since Ben put his hand behind him to hold her back, signaling to her that it was a 'no' on the killing thing. Mickaela huffed, blowing her hair out of her eyes when it fell back where Ben had brushed it out of before, trying her hardest to stay calm and sort of failing to do so.
It was then that she swore she heard Casey whimpering and whining from the apartment, even though they were a bit of a ways away, and her deep green eyes fastened protectively in that direction. Was she wanting their mom again? Or, was she upset about something else? Either way, she knew she wouldn't be able to resist bolting back to the apartment just to check on her baby sister. And she also knew she shouldn't be out of Casey's sight for too long, otherwise there was disastrous results. Mickaela sighed and turned to Ben. "I need to go check on Case before her imagination takes over and she thinks robots and Godzilla kidnapped everyone including the unicorns and are holding them hostage in Candy Mountain. Again." She cringed slightly at the thought of the last time Casey had been left all alone in the apartment room.
By the time she'd returned from her hunt and "play time", as she called it, so as not to taint her seven year old sister with her hobby, which she oddly felt was too much for the child, with the humans, the entire apartment had been torn apart. She was a tad bit of a neat freak when it came to the apartment, and a few other things, so this didn't exactly help her sanity level, as she was the one that had to calm the child and put everything back the way it was supposed to be. “Want me to go with you?” Very much so did she want him to come with her. But she wasn't sure if she should say yes... because then, the distractions would be gone, and the subject of why she was crying earlier, was bound to come up again. She didn't know if she would be able to handle that, exactly, or if Ben would be able to handle the tears that she was positive would show once more.
So she said nothing. Mickaela inhaled deeply, glanced at Axel briefly, then looked back to Ben before walking off, heading back toward her apartment. She knew either way he would follow, and she knew there was no way of escaping the looming question that was coming once more, and she also knew that, even if she didn't tell him today, she would have to tell him someday. After all, she couldn't simply avoid Ben... it was basically a physical impossibility for her. “Hey, wait up.” Maybe someday had come sooner than she'd thought. Cringing inwardly, she slowed a bit, so that he could catch up. The tingle appeared once again as his hand brushed hers, and she risked a glance over at him. Here it comes... “Are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I have to guess?” Mickaela couldn't resist a slight laugh. “You can try to guess, but I promise you, it'll be impossible to get it right.”
She was mentally contemplating whether or not to tell Ben. She hadn't told him anything about her past, come to think of it. As far as he knew, she was non-existent until the day she was turned and a week or so later he found her. And she wasn't positive if she should change that, or not. I mean, sure, as her coven leader, he deserved to know, but it was something she was extremely sensitive about. Then again, Ben himself was something she was extremely sensitive about. She just didn't know if telling him about her father, and that he was still out there somewhere, was the best idea. But, it was worth a shot, right? Even if there was a slight, or major, chance that she would crumble again if she returned to that mindset of the past... which would be mortifying for the both of them, for sure. So, she decided that a little bit at a time might be the wisest choice. Baby steps... “It's nothing, really... just some shit from my... well from my human life.” Mickaela kept her eyes forward, and tugged his jacket closer to her. She wasn't cold, so much as in need of something to hold onto tightly. For all she knew, it was all downhill from there.
