e m p a t h y { ben.

[BENJAMIN JAMES KANST]

→ PICTURE, YOU'RE THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING
FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE, UNDER YOUR COMMAND
( I WILL BE YOUR GUARDIAN WHEN ALL IS CRUMBLING ! ) - - - - - - - - - -

There was a reason Ben was never able to leave Bella even in their worst fights. The taste of her lips against his was like a drug. He just couldn't quit. For three years he had managed not to think about her but now, when she was so close to him, that familiar craving was returning. Ben never had been able to resist her. When she broke away to down the alcohol, a slight protesting whimper escaped his throat and Ben pouted. But immediately perked up again when she pulled him out of his seat. Already he'd forgotten about what he was complaining about earlier. It seemed distant and right now, all he wanted was Bella. He scrunched his nose when she moved too far away from him. Getting out of his seat, Ben trailed behind Bella obediently, too intoxicated and desperately craving the feel of her body to care about anything else. She had her way of helping Ben out and it wasn't telling him it would be all right with a soft pat on the back.

Ben's back hit the door with a soft thud and once again, Bella's lips were on his. Forgetting where they were, he wrapped his arms around her waist and slid a hand under her tank top. It all felt so familiar and right to feel her against him. Ben felt like he knew every inch of her body all too well. Only when she pulled away again did Ben notice they were still in the bar. Oops. He would have to stifle his urges until they found someplace a little more private. When she turned away from him, Ben tucked his hands in his pocket and grinned almost mockingly at the nearest person who dared make eye contact with him. They both knew what was happening and Ben felt his ego swell when the man seemed to glance back with a jealous look. He turned his attention back to Bella when he felt her hand gently reach for his. Ben laced his fingers with hers and pulled her closer. A small frown tugged at the corner of his lip and he pretended to think for a second. With all the alcohol in the system, he couldn't think clearly. His mind was stuck on one thing. "I don't think I can wait that long," he muttered, leaning down to trail soft kisses on her neck.

He smiled as she turned to lead him out of the bar. Trailing behind her, he stumbled onto the sidewalk to stand next her. Just as he was ready to continue his attempt to take off her clothes, the dark black vehicle pulled up and Ben stopped. "Do you always have a car following you?" he chuckled lightly. Ben watched carefully as the driver stepped out of the car to hold the door open. He studied the man for a brief second, something seemed off. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he realized it wasn't the same driver as before. "What happened to the other guy?" But before he could get an answer, he caught sight of Bella peeking out of the car and he immediately forgot about his confusion. When Bella beckoned him towards the car, he dropped the question and immediately ducked into the car. Ben grabbed her around the waist and sat down, pulling her into his lap. Settling comfortably, he leaned up to kiss her again. His hand cupped her cheek and moved to the back of her neck, deepening the kiss. Ben didn't even notice the door close behind him and the car begin to move.

( BELLA! )
( 6 0 3 )
( NEVER SAY NEVER BY THE FRAY)
( BROOKE FROM CAUTION )

[ISABELLA SAOIRSE HARTSEN]

- - YOU WERE ALONE BEFORE WE MET, NO MORE FORLORN THAN ONE COULD GET
HOW COULD WE KNOW WE HAD FOUND TREASURE HOW SINISTER AND HOW CORRECT
*IT WAS A LEAP OF FAITH I COULD NOT TAKE, A PROMISE I COULD NOT MAKE
- - - - - - - - - - my ashtray heart

There was something alot more intoxicating for Bella than the alcohol she had consumed in the bar, although the cocktail she had made in her stomach was doing its job nicely, and that something was sex. More importantly, the power she got from sex, the power it gave her over men. She had lost her virginity at a very young age but she had never turned back since, it gave her a rush that went from the very lengths of her long golden brown hair right the way down to the tips of her toes, and that rush had never been more intense than when she was with Ben. Over their time together he had learnt her body and all its sweet spots well and he had learnt how to use those sweet spots to his advantage and it didn't feel to Bella now that he had forgotten them. Her skin tingled with ecastasy wherever he touched her and she almost lost control of herself right there in that bar; almost, but not quite.

It all felt so very familiar, the setting, their reactions to one another, that Bella gave a start as they emerged from the bar, a mass of drunken lust and desire, and realised that it was not infact seven years ago, she pouted demurely at Ben, a mischievous glint in her bright blue eyes, "Oh don't worry", her hands once again reaching for him, anxious for the feel of his skin against hers "We won't be waiting"

[/color]. Her face gleamed with promise and she pulled him back to her, only returning her gaze to outside matters sharply, and with considerable pain as her pupils shrunk rapidly, at the loss of the sensation his lips caused her body and the sound of his voice. It took her a moment to digest what he was saying and so her answer was somewhat delayed, and when it did come it travelled on a voice somewhat irritated by the lack of physical contact. She nodded in response to his first question and she turned to look at him over her shoulder as she lead him towards the open back seat, a playful smile on her delicate lips "At home" she replied simply, she had no desire to discuss her employee's shift schedule with him.

Once seated in the back of the car Bella allowed herself to be pulled onto his lap and hastily signalled for the driver to slide the partition up between him ad them. Once he had done so, Bella began kissing Ben's neck, she could feel him beneath her, through the denmin of his jeans and it sent a thrill up her spine, her eyes half closing as she gave into the lust in her belly. She slid down gently from his lap and knelt at his feet on the expansive, carpeted floor of the limousine. Her delicate hand ran up the inside of his leg slowly and as it rose up towards him, so did she. Her other hand slowly unfastened his belt and and button, pulling the zipper down teasingly, a glint in her eyes.

When he was free she leant up towards him without a word and parted her lips, allowing him access.

*****

Bella's insatiable libido was not at all satisfied by the brief foreplay and as she leant back and wiped her soft lips daintily with her slender hand the car pulled to a stop outside the hotel Bella called home. "Care to join me, Mr. Kanst?"[/color] she asked softly as she slipped out of the open car door and stood up on the sidewalk, smoothing out her clothes, already knowing what the answer would be

Should be.
[/size][/JUSTIFY][/blockquote][/blockquote]

i tore the muscle from your chest, used it to stub out cigarettes
LISTENED TO YOUR SCREAMS OF PLEASURE, WATCH BEDSHEETS TURN BLOOD RED
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
FOR BEN. 616 WORDS. BELLA WEARS THIS. TEMPLATE BY SPECIAL K !.

[BENJAMIN JAMES KANST]

→ PICTURE, YOU'RE THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING
FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE, UNDER YOUR COMMAND
( I WILL BE YOUR GUARDIAN WHEN ALL IS CRUMBLING ! ) - - - - - - - - - -

No one had ever made him feel like Bella could. They knew each other too well and when it came to their physical relationship, they knew exactly what to do. It was the one time when their differences didn't mean anything. He could care less where they were. Ben would have been perfectly fine if they were still in the bar. When he was with Bella, everything else seemed so insignificant. Even back in their first apartment, they kept it up despite numerous complaints from their neighbors. In a way, their relationship was a slight rebellion against everything. They were sick of their lives and so they found comfort in each other. It was only physical at first. Strangely enough, the love and feelings they felt for each other only came after. That was the reason they were never able to have a steady relationship. When it wasn't physical, Ben always felt the need to seek comfort and fill the empty gap.

A smirk tugged at the corner of his lip as he watched Bella slowly slide down. Their was an unquestionable look of lust in her eyes as she glanced up at him from the floor. The pressure in his gut built as she slid a hand up his leg. A shudder ran down his spine and the pressure became nearly unbearable. It was a slow torture to watch Bella work his belt and then his zipper. She was teasing him and it was driving him crazy. Dragging this out only made Ben want her more and he knew full well what she playing at. Seconds seemed to take a lifetime. As she moved towards him, Ben reached out to run his fingers through her hair. He stiffened as her lips met him, his fingers gripping her tightly. A low, long moan escaped as Ben slowly relaxed into her touch. His eyes closed and he leaned his head back against the seat as the pleasure overcame his senses.

*****

As the car came to a stop, Ben was too caught in his excitement to even notice. He fell back, his chest rising and falling in quick, short breaths. The adrenaline still coursed through his system even after Bella stepped out of the car. With his eyes still closed, he sat there for a moment, trying to slow his breathing and racing heartbeat. The sound of Bella's voice broke him out of his euphoric aftermath for a second. He grinned at her question. There was no need to answer that. Shifting slightly, Ben adjusted himself and buttoned his jeans. As he got out the car, he pulled the zipper up. His fingers fumbled with the belt for a second but he finally managed to find a notch. The night was far from over and if that was her just starting, Ben was far too eager to find out what else was in store. Hell, they might not even make it up to her penthouse.

He stepped out into the cool night air and let out a sigh. Immediately his arm found her waist and Ben pulled her close to him. "Why don't you lead the way Miss Hartsen," Ben smiled, chuckling lightly. As the doorman opened the door, Ben muttered a quick 'thank you' as he leaned over to nuzzle Bella's neck. He trailed soft kisses to her ear and gently nibbled on her earlobe. "Do you think they'll just let us use the lobby?" he whispered teasingly in her ear. He could feel the curious and awkward stares being thrown their way and Ben merely shot a gloating smirk at the receptionist. "It'd be one hell of a show." Ben reached out to hit the up button for the elevator. As they waited, his hand snaked around her waist and slid past the waistband of her jeans.

( BELLA! )
( 6 3 7 )
( NEVER SAY NEVER BY THE FRAY)
( BROOKE FROM CAUTION )

[ISABELLA SAOIRSE HARTSEN]

- - YOU WERE ALONE BEFORE WE MET, NO MORE FORLORN THAN ONE COULD GET
HOW COULD WE KNOW WE HAD FOUND TREASURE HOW SINISTER AND HOW CORRECT
*IT WAS A LEAP OF FAITH I COULD NOT TAKE, A PROMISE I COULD NOT MAKE
- - - - - - - - - - my ashtray heart

Every nuclei and mitochondria alike in Bella's svelte like body ached at being away from Ben's touch, the strong, sweet scent of his groin only served to make Bella long for him more and she found it difficult to tear herself away from him, even for the few small minutes it took for them to travel up to her luxurious penthouse suite. Her heart pounded heavily with lust and anticipation, so heavily she was sure that he could hear it beating as he stood next to her in the lobby, anxiously awaiting the elevator that would carry them to the top of the building, where Bella would have her way with him. It had been a long time for her, infact the last time she had had any form of sexual encounter had been the day before she was arrested, the last time she had seen his face. She merely smiled at his words, not really hearing them over the enthusiastic thumping of her heart, she opened her mouth to speak but her breath caught in her throat at his touch and she could do nothing other than relax into the sweet sensation and tumble languidly into the elevator, still clinging to Ben, as the doors opened smoothly infront of them.

Once inside the mirror lined box Bella pulled Ben close to her and stepped backwards until her slender back hit the glass wall softly, her hands running along his body hungrily, anxious to peel off his clothes and caress his form until he could take no more. But she would wait; she had forgotten how much she loved to tease him with her touch. Her hands tangled in his soft dark hair, Bella trailed kisses along his jaw and down his throat, she had almost reached the point in her desire where she was willing to forget the world and unclothe him then and there and wrap her long, willowy legs around his waist and let him have her when the elevator doors slid open soundlessly and revealed to the lust crazed duo the entrance hall of Bella’s penthouse. She pulled back and gazed at him for a moment, a mischievous smile playing on her sweet lips, and then she pushed him away from her and sauntered casually out of the lift, her hips swaying nonchalantly as she peeled her top off of her body and slung it to the ground. Her fluid like movements were only interrupted by her having to unlock the large white doors, the pause gave enough time for Ben to move towards her but she felt his presence behind her and pushed open the doors with a dramatic flourish and stepped into her apartment, out of his reach, with a grin.

The apartment’s expensive furnishings suddenly seemed to Bella a playground of sexual wonder and it took all her willpower to remain facing forwards as she sashayed down the corridor and not to turn and allow Ben access to her most intimate parts right there in the hallway, the doors still wide open. Despite how much she craved his lingering touch she remained in cool control of her exterior, she would not willingly allow him to see what her did to her, not now. Not during this drunken rebound. Her heavily armed heart grew heavy for a moment at the thought but she callously brushed it aside for the promise of proximity that hung in the air and finally, as she reached the living room door, turned to face Ben, her blue eyes dark with the desire she wouldn’t allow herself to express verbally. As he caught up with her she threw her arms around him, her lips meeting his passionately as she fell backwards through the slightly open door, landing heavily on the carpeted floor of the expansive living room and pulling Ben on top of her, her body ecstatic at the weight on top of her. She nibbled on his bottom lip softly as a satisfied sigh escaped her lips, grateful to finally have him to herself after so long. Despite all their differences Bella knew in her heart that Ben was her soul mate, always had been, she had just never allowed herself to accept it, had thrown up walls against the powerful feelings in her heart and wasted the precious time they had had together.

”Ben” she breathed softly as she deepened the kiss, having finally been able to catch her breath long enough to utter a syllable before losing herself in him once more.

i tore the muscle from your chest, used it to stub out cigarettes
LISTENED TO YOUR SCREAMS OF PLEASURE, WATCH BEDSHEETS TURN BLOOD RED
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
FOR BEN. 755 WORDS. BELLA WEARS THIS. TEMPLATE BY SPECIAL K !.

[BENJAMIN JAMES KANST]

→ PICTURE, YOU'RE THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING
FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE, UNDER YOUR COMMAND
( I WILL BE YOUR GUARDIAN WHEN ALL IS CRUMBLING ! ) - - - - - - - - - -

When the doors to the elevator opened, Ben practically tripped over himself in his excitement to get upstairs. He simply allowed Bella to pull him in and laughed softly as her back hit the wall of the elevator. Just as he leaned down to kiss her again, Bella's hands ran through his hair, slightly pushing him away as she denied him to kiss down his jaw. A soft, pathetic whimper escaped his lips and Ben pouted. All he wanted was to feel every inch of skin he could and she wasn't letting him do that. He didn't hear the elevator doors slide open so when she smiled, Ben tried to pull her closer only to be shoved away. Ben sighed in frustration and turned to watch her walk away from him. Just taking off her shirt was enough to distract Ben. The doors started to close and Ben quickly pushed the doors open to chase after her. He caught up to her at the doors and he leaned down to nuzzle her neck only to find her out of reach again. "Bellaa," Ben whined softly in protest. There just wasn't enough blood going to his brain to try and think about simply overpowering her. She was teasing him and it was working.

Still following her, Ben waited eagerly for the moment she would turn around. Finally when she turned, Ben reached out to pull her close and used one hand to soften their fall. His lips met any skin he could find as his hands immediately started to find ways to remove their clothing. Ben broke away for a second to remove his shirt and casually tossed it aside before pressing against her again. It was a miracle he was remembering how to breathe. His breath came in short, gasps as he felt her body against his. He had almost forgotten what it was like to be with Bella. All those years away from her and everything in him wanted to make up for all those times he wasn't with her. This wasn't just some rebound. No, Cordelia had been his rebound. This, with Bella, this is what he wanted all along. They had Jamie together and it just couldn't compare to anything else. From her lips, his name had never sounded so right.

*****

Even before he woke up, the familiar feeling of a hangover was already settling in. Ben kept his eyes closed and lay there, trying to ignore the pounding headache. He could feel the warmth of the body next to him and he listened to her soft breathing. Slowly Ben opened his eyes, trying to blink away the initial confusion. Nausea overcame him and with a groan, Ben rolled out of the bed. He hit the ground and practically crawled to find the nearest bathroom. Pulling himself up, he emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. His throat burned as the bile came back up. Crawling back out, he managed to stand up and find the sink. Ben flicked the water on and rinsed his mouth out. He fumbled around, trying to search the counter top for a bottle of mouthwash. His head pounded angrily as he found the mouthwash and managed to unscrew the top. While he rinsed out his mouth, Ben continued searching for Advil or some type of painkiller. He spat the mouthwash into the sink and watched the foam swirl down the sink. Nothing. It didn't matter, he was too exhausted to continue trying to search. Ben just wanted to crawl back into bed.

Stumbling back into the room, Ben fell back onto the bed and made himself comfortable next to the body. Wait a second. This was not his place. He glanced at the body next to him. It took a second to Ben to realize it was Bella lying next to him. Oh god. Little bits of last night were starting to come back to him. He couldn't remember much of last night but he did remember how he felt about her. Somehow in the middle of things last night, they had ended up in Bella's bedroom. Not even twenty-four hours had passed since he had broken up with Cordelia and already he was in someone else's bed. There was something incredibly wrong about this and Ben didn't care at all. It was nice to be at her side. Ben found her hand and laced his fingers with her. "Morning Bella."

( BELLA! )
( 7 4 2 )
( NEVER SAY NEVER BY THE FRAY)
( BROOKE FROM CAUTION )

[ISABELLA SAOIRSE HARTSEN]

- - YOU WERE ALONE BEFORE WE MET, NO MORE FORLORN THAN ONE COULD GET
HOW COULD WE KNOW WE HAD FOUND TREASURE HOW SINISTER AND HOW CORRECT
*IT WAS A LEAP OF FAITH I COULD NOT TAKE, A PROMISE I COULD NOT MAKE
- - - - - - - - - - my ashtray heart

Waking up was much the same as it had been the previous morning, except she was not fully clothed this time. Bella awoke without opening her eyes at first, allowing the sensation of being awake to creep over her aching limbs and into her mind, her throbbing, foggy mind. Finally opening her eyes Bella found herself alone in her large bed, the sheets crinkled beyond recognition and sat up slowly, both hands up to her head resting on either side of her face. Too vague memories of the night before flitted across her mind’s eye as she surveyed the damage that had been caused to her home, clothes were strewn across every available surface and the door was flung wide open. Empty bottles of wine and beer littered the floor and Bella was unable to tell which were from last night and which were from the night before that, as she leant out of bed so that she could see into the living room beyond the door she noticed that the same mess extended throughout her home and groaned softly.

As of yet not much of the previous evening had come back to Bella and she swung her legs out of bed oblivious to her guest searching for the painkillers which she pulled from the drawer beside her bed and swallowed dry without the aid of a glass of water. Bella was about to stand up and attempt to rectify the bomb site her bedroom had become over night when she heard a door inside the apartment somewhere open, conscious of how clear her naked form was in the light filtering through the thin curtains she quickly burrowed herself back under the covers, pulling them up over her head and straining her ears to hear any further movement. She cringed a little as she heard masculine foot steps making their way back into her bedroom and tucked her legs up to her chest protectively as she felt the man get back in bed beside her, but pulled the stifling sheets down from over her head so that she could turn to see just what sort of man she had dragged home with her last night.

At his touch, his voice, relief flooded through Bella and she smiled softly, allowing her tense body to relax into the soft sheets of her luxurious bed. All her anger towards Ben was forgotten as the events of the night before washed over her, all the sweet nothings he had whispered to her, their sighs and groans of physical ecstasy echoing throughout her head as she relieved the feel of his bare skin against hers in her mind. Allowing him to take her hand, Bella rolled onto her back, no longer caring if her modesty was protected from sight. Her long golden brown hair tumbled across the crisp white pillows of her bed and her blue eyes glittered with affection as she returned his greeting softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “Good morning, Benji” she breathed, propping herself up onto her elbows and grazing his lips with her own in a small, early morning kiss. Peace flooded into Bella’s heart and she forgot, for a moment, the circumstances of their coupling, as it all came back to her she pulled away from Ben and hastily got out of bed, wrapping her nude body in a short, red silk dressing gown and turning away from him so he couldn’t see the tears that welled up in her bright blue eyes. She bit down on her lip and squeezed her eyes closed in an attempt to rid her eyes of the salty water. A single tear fell down her cheek as she did so and she forced herself to remember that Ben was in love with Cordelia, or whatever her name was. Forced herself to recall his rantings, that the woman he was in love with was an undercover FBI agent, their relationship was a sham. A perfect relationship constructed by some suits in an office, that this FBI agent was pregnant with Ben’s child. Ben, the man that she loved.

Swiftly she made for the bedroom door, banishing all thoughts she had had when her eyes met his only moments ago. The thoughts of touching him again and hearing him whisper her name, thoughts of staying in bed with him all day talking softly. She reached out gripped the door handle so tightly that her knuckles turned white and when she spoke her voice was so choked with emotion that she had difficulty containing it and was sure that Ben could hear it. “It was nice to see you again, Ben. If you don’t mind, I’m going to take a shower”

[/b]. Instead of simply using the spacious en suite that lead off from her bedroom, Bella deliberately left the room and crossed the apartment quickly, hot tears falling freely from her eyes as she almost fell into the bathroom and locked the door with shaking hands.

She would never have guessed that seeing Ben again after all those years would bring such strong emotions to her cool, seductive surface and she refused to let him see what he had done to her simply by indulging in a drunken one night stand with her. Taking a deep breath she turned the shower on to hot and let the dressing gown fall from her slender shoulders as she stepped under the warm spray. Every muscle in her body called out in thanks for the hot, pummelling water. She washed away the memories of last night, the thoughts of Ben that tormented her aching heart. She gripped the rosary beads around her neck that she hadn’t removed since leaving prison and washed away her sins.

She didn’t expect him to still be in her apartment when she stepped back out from under the spray, cleansed of the previous night.
[/size][/JUSTIFY][/blockquote][/blockquote]

i tore the muscle from your chest, used it to stub out cigarettes
LISTENED TO YOUR SCREAMS OF PLEASURE, WATCH BEDSHEETS TURN BLOOD RED
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
FOR BEN. 981 WORDS. BELLA WEARS THIS. TEMPLATE BY SPECIAL K !.

[BENJAMIN JAMES KANST]

→ PICTURE, YOU'RE THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING
FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE, UNDER YOUR COMMAND
( I WILL BE YOUR GUARDIAN WHEN ALL IS CRUMBLING ! ) - - - - - - - - - -

If he thought waking up the previous day in the cell had been hell, today was even worse. It wasn't until Ben laid back in bed did he notice the immense amount of pain he was in. Now that he was a bit more awake, the previous days were finally catching up and he was paying for it. Every inch of his body was screaming in agony yet, it all seemed better when he saw Bella turn towards him. The light streamed in just enough to catch the glint of her clear blue eyes and Ben's breath caught in his throat. He couldn't even remember how many times he had woken up just to wait for Bella to gaze up at him. It was the only way Ben could ever tell when she was clean. Despite how much he wanted to deny it, he couldn't ever say he didn't love her. He smiled at the nickname. "I haven't heard anyone call me that in a long time." Bella was really the only one who ever called him that. Not even Cordelia....Cordie. Just a single night with Bella and already Ben had forgotten how they had ended up in this situation. His smile faded into a slight frown as his thoughts returned to Cordie. Pregnant and a FBI agent. She had brought his entire world down around him and Ben was in Bella's bed, again. It seemed he wasn't the only one who remembered this little detail. He could see the hurt look on Bella's face and Ben felt a guilty pang. "Bella.." He opened his mouth to protest but she had already stood up and walked out of the room. Ben rolled off the bed and followed her to the bathroom. The door closed in his face and Ben sighed. "Isabella...don't-" 

Dammit. He knew this was wrong just as much as she did but he didn't care. Her words stung him. It hurt to think that Bella thought this was only a drunken one-night stand. Ben was pretty sure they were far past that point by now. Not even a day after he'd broken up with Cordie and already he was in his ex's bed. This was just a rebound. It had to be, right? The feelings he had for Bella were long gone. Or well, so he thought. He heard the shower turn on and Ben turned away with a groan. That was a bit too much effort for his body. Slowly, he walked around and picked up his clothes. Walking back in the room, Ben made his way into bathroom and tossed the bloody clothes onto the floor. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and barely recognized himself. His right hand was done up in a crimson stained bandage and his tattoos were smeared with blood. The entire right side of his ribcage was a whole mess of bruises. Ben brought his left hand to run through his blood-matted hair and he winced as his hand touched a tender spot on the base of his skull. Three scratch marks were still visible across his bruised jaw where Bella had slapped him. His lip was split open and Ben could still taste blood. To be rather brief, he looked like shit. Ben studied himself in the mirror and winced at his own appearance. The worst part was, some of the blood wasn't his. 

As Ben stepped in the shower under the warm spray of water, the memories came back. He had been so enraged to learn Katelyn was FBI. All he wanted was to protect his family and in doing so, he had killed an innocent girl and nearly murdered an FBI agent. Now, here he was with Bella like nothing had happened.The water felt refreshing against his skin yet it stung. He was confused. He could remember how much he loved Cordelia and then, how much he wanted Bella. The water washed away the blood and any evidence of last night. Pinkish water swirled down the drain as Ben shut the water off. With painstakingly slow movements, he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. Drying himself off, Ben surveyed the damage once again. There was no way his clothes were wearable. Ben wrapped the towel around his waist and decided the best thing to do would just be to wait for Bella. 

It took a little more effort to venture into the kitchen to look for a first aid kit. To Ben's surpass he managed to find one (though he doubted Bella even knew of its existence). He dug up a ziploc bag and opened the freezer to shovel some ice into the bag. Making his way into the living room, Ben placed the first aid kit down and set the bag of ice next to it. His first task was to change the bandage on his hand. It was no easy job and Ben was biting down on a piece of gauze to keep himself from screaming. After a slow and difficult fight, he replaced the old bandage with a clean one that was much better wrapped. Now that was done, Ben eased himself into a laying position on the couch and placed the bag of ice on his ribs. He moaned softly as the cold bag made contact with his skin and he closed his eyes, trying to block out the pain. To try not to think about Cordie.

( BELLA! )
( 9 1 1 )
( NEVER SAY NEVER BY THE FRAY)
( BROOKE FROM CAUTION )

[ISABELLA SAOIRSE HARTSEN]

- - YOU WERE ALONE BEFORE WE MET, NO MORE FORLORN THAN ONE COULD GET
HOW COULD WE KNOW WE HAD FOUND TREASURE HOW SINISTER AND HOW CORRECT
*IT WAS A LEAP OF FAITH I COULD NOT TAKE, A PROMISE I COULD NOT MAKE
- - - - - - - - - - my ashtray heart

As she rinsed the last soapy bubble from her long hair, Bella found herself turning the water off and sliding down the inside of the shower and sitting down, cluthing her knees to her chest. She didn't remember when life had got so difficult, so hard to manage. During her time in prison she had thought of Ben and Jamie daily, she had idolised Ben so much that she had built him a pedastal of lies and exaggerations and now he had come tumbling off of it so quickly that Bella was having difficulty straightening out her thoughts. She didn't know if she loved him, or if she had loved him once, or if she was in love with the man her mind had turned him into over the long years apart from him, all she knew was that remembering that he was in love with someone else, someone else who was having his child, felt as though someone had reached into her chest and ripped her heart out. She was lost. She stayed there for what seemed like forever, staring at the plug hole in the bottom of the shower and at the bubbles that flowed laguidly into it, she felt empty and helpless, two things that she had never really felt before in her life. Growing up she had always believed that money could protect her from anything, and then during her time in prison she had held on to the thought of Ben and their son together, but now nothing helped pull her from the train wreck of thoughts that were clashing together in her mind and ripping her apart from the inside out.

She felt used.

Only once she was sure that Ben had had enough time to leave her apartment did she move. She stood up slowly and silently, climbing out of the shower and drying herself off with one of the fluffy white towels that were in a pile on a nice wicker basket in the corner. There were things that Bella had no memory of buying or seeing before. Moving back to Switchblade had all been such a blur, she hadn't allowed herself to see what was going on around her. If she had she most likely would have had this emotional breakdown that she was sure was just around the corner a long time ago. She'd stopped to breath, what a fatal mistake. When she was as dry as the towel was going to get her Bella gave her hair a rough rub with it and slung it down, slipping her dressing gown back over her fragile form and unlocking the door. She stepped out and into the hallway, pausing to listen and being certain there was no one in the apartment, she wandered into the kitchen, her mind a hotpot of thoughts, and poured herself a glass of water from a bottle in her large fridge. What was left of her make up from last night was smeared across her face, tear shaped streaks of mascara on her cheeks and a soft stain of lipstick still on her lips but she would have to go to her bedroom en suite to rectify that as she kept her make up remover and moisturiser there.

Bella finished her water slowly, unaware that there was any reason for her to behave other than how she would if she was completely alone, before placing the glass in the sink for the maid to deal with and walking back out into the hallway, touching Jamie's bedroom door as she always did when she passed it, and slipping back into the living room. She rearranged her dressing gown, taking a few steps before she looked up, when she did her breath caught in her throat and a look of shock and helplessness passed her elegant face momentatily before a frown descended upon her features. Her blue eyes flicked over him and her brow softened with concern when she noticed the bruises and cuts, last night she had paid little attention to them as they hadn't seemed to cause him any discomfort once he was drunk and on top of her, but looking at him now in the morning light she was almost stunned into speechlessness at the sight of him. Bella stood, just staring at him in silence for a few awkward moments before she quickly crossed the living room and sat on the floor by his feet, taking the First Aid kit from him gently. She set it on the floor in front of her and looked at it in confusion for a moment, it must have belonged to the hotel as she had never seen it before and was almost certain that she hadn't bothered to purchase one. Still looking intently at its contents Bella began to rummage through it, glancing at each different tube of cream and discarding it when she realised it wasn't what she was looking for. Her voice was muffled and somewhat quiet as she hid her emotional distress from him by being apparently distracted. "What are you still doing here, Kanst?" she asked, her voice far more weary than upset or angry. She had wanted him to be gone when she got out of the shower, she had wanted him to leave her here like he had left her in prison so that she could finally hate him and push aside the feelings of love and affection that just being in his arms for one night had brought rushing to the surface.

Finding the two tubes she had been searching for amongst the burn relief and mosquito bite soother she hastily rubbed at her face with her thin little hand, attempting to clear it of the smudged make up from the dar before before kneeling up to face him. Bella averted her eyes from Ben's as she squeezed a tiny amount of antiseptic gel on to her left index finger and hesitated for a moment, looking at his chest instead of his face before finally reaching over and applying the cooling substance to the cuts and abrasions on his skin there. "sorry if it stings a bit" she said softly as she finished what she was doing with the first tube. The second she looked at with an unsure expression, the label on it claimed that it would soothe cuts and sores but she had never seen it before and besides, she had felt quite enough electricity when she had touched Ben just moments ago and she knew that if she forced herself to do it again that she would kiss him.

After a moment she sat back on her haunches and steeled herself, she was tired of being so vulnerable to him, so see through. She bit her lip and closed her eyes, attempting to force herself to feel repulsed by him.

i tore the muscle from your chest, used it to stub out cigarettes
LISTENED TO YOUR SCREAMS OF PLEASURE, WATCH BEDSHEETS TURN BLOOD RED
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FOR BEN. 1143 WORDS. BELLA WEARS THIS. TEMPLATE BY SPECIAL K !.